


Different kinds of love

by AvaDiablo



Series: Innocent Kisses [2]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Kissing, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 14:37:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6198895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaDiablo/pseuds/AvaDiablo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakurai Sho didn't show up for work without explanation... Aiba goes and checks on him</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different kinds of love

Aiba tried the key he'd gotten from Jun. He was still a bit amazed that Jun had a key to Sho's apartment in the first place. He didn't have one and he was pretty sure the others didn't either. But than again, Jun had a spare key to his house as well, so there might be some logic to it. On the other hand, he had given all the members a key to his house. Not that they used theirs, even though he had said that they could drop by when ever, since he loved them all and wanted them to feel as much at home as if it was their house too. But even Nino called ahead these days when he felt alone and wanted some company, never once using the key since he got it.

The key unlocked the front door and opened to a darkened genkan. Calling out Sho's name resulted in an eerie echo of his own voice, while he quietly excused himself for entering without consent. He left his shoes and went on his socks leaving the slippers Sho had told him were his where they lay. The door separating the genkan from the living space was slightly ajar and the flickering of changing light reflected off the wall. The living room left Aiba a bit stunned for a moment. Organised as Sho was, his house always had a bit of clutter, but nothing like what it was right now. There were news papers all over the place; the floor, the coffee table, the couch and arm chairs. The dinner table was stacked with magazines, some opened. There was a scatter of crumpled up papers and a note pad as if some one had tried to write something and kept failing to put his thoughts into words. But the weirdest things were the four huge posters he had never seen before, announcing world championships in ice skating in various years. The TV showed the footage of an ice skater with out the sound playing. She made a few jumps and came towards the person holding the camera, with a radiant smile, talking enthusiastically and skating away again to do another jump and spin. All they had in common was the same girl ice skating; Hirata Mayu. 

Whatever he had expected, Aiba had not expected to find this. He was here because Sho failed to show up for two shootings today and upon questioning if he had at least shown up for the Zero-news meeting, he was told his friend even refuse to do a segment on his beloved news; which was odd to say to least. Aiba and countless of others had tried to reach him, but every call went straight to voice mail and was left unanswered. The reason to it became clear enough when he spotted two phones broken on the floor by the wall. Sure, Sho had his 'off' days where the stress was building without release, and he could get cranky. But skipping work? Throwing both phones? What the heck was going on here?

Sho wasn't in his kitchen, which was open to the living room. Aiba checked the bedroom, but he wasn't there either. And neither was he in the two spare bedrooms nor his study. Puzzled as to why Sho would leave the TV and lights on if he wasn't here, he checked the bathroom out of habit to cover all his bases. But since there wasn't any noise of a shower running, he'd already written it off as a no-show. Adverting his gaze to the balcony, with his heart frantically pumping, as he pondered why he hadn't seen the sliding doors being slightly ajar; giving way to an insane set of unsettling thoughts. It wasn't until he has almost closed the bathroom door when something made him look back in the little stripe of light shining from the living room, showing that the bathroom wasn't as empty as he had assumed. His heart didn't just skip a beat, it stopped beating completely for a few seconds, before adrenaline spurred him into action; throwing the door open and turning on the lights.

The newscaster lay on the floor of the shower compartment and a cold dark feeling slipped around Aiba's heart freezing him in place and squeezing the last bit of oxygen out of his lungs by the sight of his friendlying there motionless. A million thoughts struggled through his mind, as he willed his reluctant body to move closer. His mind overloaded with an instant mantra of ' don't be dead; please, don't be dead!'. Aiba dropped to his knees beside him and worriedly began shaking him. His skin felt ice cold to the touch and wet by the lingering water on his naked frame.  
"Sho-chan! Are you... Are you okay?" In the few moments it took for his friend to respond Aiba was shaking him almost violently, yelling, with the phone already in his hand trying to call just about any one his frantic, panicky brain could come up with. .  
"Masaki?" His name no more than a broken whisper. Sho didn't even sound like himself; voice hoarse and small, "What are you doing here?"  
"That's my line, Sho-chan," Aiba said, still with frantic beating heart, but now adrenaline pumped around in relief, "What are you doing on the floor? How long have you been on the floor? You feel so cold!" followed by an almost accusing, "I thought you were dead." While talking, Aiba got up to grab two towels from the stack in the cupboard near the shower area. 

Sho leaned on his hands getting himself into a sitting position. He felt devoid of strength, feeling the stiffness the chill had caused. Aiba draped the larger towel around his shoulders, started rubbing his hands over the fabric on the frigid skin in silence, hoping the friction would help speed up warmth returning to his friend. The questions Aiba had asked earlier still played in his mind. And the more the silence lasted, the more he began to piece things together in that fervid mind of his. The section of Zero-news was about Hirata's sudden death which had shocked the sports industry. If Sho had refused to do the item, it meant he had a deeper connection to the skater than anyone knew. Based on the magazines and newspapers, and the footage on TV Aiba dared the gamble his life on the fact that there had been something between them and Sho was taking her death pretty hard.

While he was rubbing the towel all over his friend, he kept turning his wrists over and over, checking his arms and legs, looking down to see if there was any blood flowing to the point that Sho got pretty embarrassed underneath his stares - and that was saying something, since they had seen each other naked countless of times during their career.  
"Hold the towel," Aiba ordered satisfied at the lack of injuries and blood. The command was followed by a sigh with relief, calming him down a bit more. Still, he didn't ask the question he wanted to know the answers too. When Sho held the towel around his shoulders Aiba rubbed the second towel over his hair. Every movement he made was more or less massaging, instead of drying. But he figured striking two birds with one stone was a good way to go. 

Sho leaned into Aiba for a while before the flood of emotions welled up and grew unsettling fast into the feelings he'd sought to block for the passed two days; because he couldn't deal with the pain they caused. The feeling of his heart being pulverised; the creeping, illogical guilt; the crushing weight it had on his very soul. His breath hitched softly, closing his eyes fighting burn of the tears long since spilled to the point he had none left, though it seemed he was wrong as his felt a renewed set of tears well up. He didn't was to burden any one, only noticing that by Aiba being here he already had. His mind was already reeling possible ways to save the situation when Aiba effectively shut his mind down with a warm and rather forceful hug from behind; wrapping both arms around him while still holding the second towel - thoroughly cutting off any means of escape.

The group's rapper sighed in resignation after struggling to free himself. Never underestimate Aiba strength when he tried to accomplish something.  
"Talk to me, Sho-chan," Aiba mumbled behind him, resting his chin on a sloping shoulder, "You're hurting, aren't you?" Sho remained silent not wanting to share what was going through his mind, it seemed kind of self evident. It had to be a weird kind of miracle if Aiba had missed the articles he had laying around his living room. But there was always hope, even though he knew by heart Aiba wasn't as clueless as he pretended to be. He must have pieced together some of the situation even if he wasn't letting on. The lack of questions coming from his friend was a blessing and at the same time he felt annoyed by Aiba's silence. But even if he wanted to talk, this was not the place to do it; on the cold wet floor of his bathroom. 

"Aren't you cold?" he questioned his taller friend.  
"I'm dressed more than you are," was Aiba's response without letting go. Which was true, of course, but sitting fully clothed in cold water was something else entirely. He felt the chill sitting in the left over water, which had drenched his jeans and socks.  
"I'll go get you some clothes and get dressed myself." It sounded matter of factly, but not quite like himself with his voice lacking in its full gentleness. "Put your clothes in the dryer. I'll be right back." Reluctantly Aiba let go and Sho got up and retreated to the living room, leaving Aiba where he was without looking back.  
Indecisive about how to approach the situation, he slowly unbuckled his jeans and pulled the belt through the loops. Sho's washing machine and dryer combination stood on a separate section of the bathroom, keeping it safe from the shower water. He laid his belt on top and stepped out of his jeans, feeling the chill of the cold water on his skin, turning it bright red, trying to suppress a shiver as he put his socks in the machine with the rest. He waited and pondered about his soaked underwear, deciding to wait, but his friend took his sweet time coming back.

A little worried he ventured into the living room, hoping he wouldn't leave wet prints on the floor when he halted in surprise. Most of the newspapers and magazines were gone, the TV turned off and it just looked like Sho's living room again, apart from the now one huge poster left in the corner off the room. Sho came out of his bed room and almost bumped into Aiba standing there.  
"Here. You can change in my bedroom if you want." Sho handed him a neatly folded stack of clothes without looking him in the eye and excused himself to go do something else. 

"I'm making coffee. Do you want some? Or beer perhaps?" announced the news caster once Aiba was dressed and set the dryer to its task.  
"Coffee is fine," the taller one said taking a seat on the couch, "don't you want a beer or something yourself?" From the couch, half turned, he watched his friend pour their coffees. He saw the slight concern show on his face.  
"I've figured out that drinking doesn't do anyt good in these cases." In fact it was only last night he had found out yet again how pointless it actually was. Not only did he remember everything come morning; he felt plain awful being hung-over and still half drunk. The shower he had used to wake himself up with didn't do any good, not even when he turned it to bitter cold. The memories kept playing through his mind like an endless film, toying with the nauseated state he was in, hoping he wouldn't throw up from the stress of it all. He just slowly lowered himself on the floor, not being able to handle the weight of his feelings anymore, while the shower still ran icy cold. There was no further way down once you've hit rock bottom, but he wasn't even there by a long shot, as he broke down in a string of broken-hearted sobs. 

Sho came over with the coffee and placed the mugs on coasters. He quietly sighed before letting himself fall into the cushions. He figured Aiba had his questions, wanting to talk about what was going on if he hadn't pieced it together already. But his friend stayed quiet except for one question, "How long have you known each other?"  
It hadn't been that long. Less then a year even. But he had run into her long before that. Mayu-chan was a newcomer to the Nationals back when Sakurai was still interviewing for the sports section of the news. Winning Nationals meant competing in the World Championships of figure skating, which let to placing for Olympics. She had been shy-ish with all the attention back then, but she remembered all the times he interviewed her and made her feel at ease. 

After the Nationals last year she had invited him to dinner when they had run into each other. It wasn't like they hitted it off naturally, "It's not an intense burning love story," Sho told his friend staring without really seeing anything, "Far from it, in fact." Because he didn't have the courage to tell her yet, because he thought they had all the time in the world. If he had known, if he had only known... Instead he broke his story off; leaving it hanging and feeling the anger build at the injustice of it all.  
"So, what happened?" Aiba questioned, even though he knew the answer. Because the news item Sho skipped was the report of the funeral of Hirata Mayu, who had died of heart failure, cause by amyloidosis, a hard to track blood condition. The foul look he received from Sho confirmed as much. There lay a barely hidden contempt in his dark eyes. What ever he was feeling radiated off him, making Aiba unconsciously shift away from the rage Sho seemed to emit.  
"She died!" As he said it he got up, expressing his feelings in a way he didn't want to voice.

"Why are you so angry? It's not her fault she died, is it?"  
"Because she didn't tell me! She didn't say a single thing about being sick! That's why I'm angry! It's fucking not fair! It's because I thought -!" He cut himself off for a second time, breathing harshly, looking back at Aiba who sat on the couch watching him vent his frustration. Racking a hand through his hair he continued to speak out what he had held hidden for every one, "It's cause I didn't get the chance to tell her anything that really mattered. All I did was talk about insignificant things. She passed away without knowing..." 

"I'm sure she knew," Aiba ventured, looking at his friend who shook his head in disbelieve when he didn't finish.  
"You don't even know what I wanted to say!" Sho said, "This isn't some illogical sap story!"  
"No, I bet it isn't. That doesn't mean you didn't care about her!" When Sho wanted to interrupt Aiba just continued, "There are many different sorts of love. Parental love, family bonds, friends, lovers and anything that falls in between. Love is never just love. It doesn't even have to exist between just two people. It's complicated and there is no right or wrong! You don't have to be IN love, to love and care for her. And knowing you, Sho-chan, I'm absolutely sure she knew."

Sho sat back down, defusing the anger, letting the pain back in instead. He had lost precious time, time which he couldn't get back and the weight of the loss, that realisation...  
"How come you're so wise all of a sudden?" the rapper muttered looking down at the floor before leaning back. His tall friend shrugged. Might be because of the heartbreak he experienced just a few months before, but his girlfriend had just decided the 'idol-lifestyle' was not for her and he couldn't even blame her - but that didn't mean it hadn't hurt like crazy. But then again, she didn't die. And the only one who knew everything about the break-up had been his precious leader. The kiss they had shared still lingered in his mind.

Sho sighed leaning against the back rest, resting his against Aiba's shoulder.  
"What am I supposed to do now, Aiba-chan? If only he knew. 'Time heals all wounds' wasn't something he believed in any more. Idol life proved that much. But in time they learned to cope, learned how to re-build the defences they so desperately needed. Instead he sighed in return, pressing his lips against the forehead of his friend, "I don't know, Sho. I wish I did. Maybe you should see it from a different point of view. Maybe Mayu-san didn't tell you because you were her reason for living."

His friend stiffened at that before glancing up a bit. "She wrote the same in her Valentine's gift for me this year," he said slightly in wonder of the accuracy of his friend's words. Aiba hummed and pressed his mouth a little lower between Sho's eyebrows, who first sighed but then frowned at the contact, especially when Aiba moved in closer and lower. "Aiba-chan," he whispered, eyes growing wide at the feel of his friend's breath on his nose, "What are you doing?"  
"Making you feel better." Because he wanted to, like Ohno had done for him. Just because he knew, he cared and wanted to show his friend he had his full support.  
"But you give of the feeling you want to kiss me," Sho's voice was a mix of astonished and stunned.  
"I do." At this Sho pushed him away showing the shocked and disbelieve clear in his face.

"Why?"  
"Because I want to make you feel better," repeated the sunshine boy a bit disappointed. He and leader hadn't had this problem. He just went with the flow. And in that meaningless kiss lay all the strength and support he needed at that moment. He wanted the same for Sho.  
"By kissing me? How does that even work? Not to mention, I'm not gay." There was a legitimate hurt flashing in Aiba's eyes as Sho realised what his comment could imply.  
"I'm not gay either. But love comes in all sizes and differences. It's just show of support, that's all." He sounded insulted, "Leader didn't make a problem of this. I don't understand why you would." Aiba turned back and Sho smirked at the situation letting his head rest against Aiba's shoulder again.  
"I guess he wouldn't," Sho mumbled. He could feel the other laughing more then he heard it and he couldn't help feel smug about it.  
"At least I made you smile again."

When the time came to go home, Aiba was a little reluctant to leave and kept repeating if he shouldn't clear Sho's schedule a bit, since the other didn't have a phone currently. But the rapper promised he would be on time and would apologise to every one he had inconvenienced. That being said, he started with Aiba when he was on the floor of the genkan putting his shoes on.  
"It's okay, Sho-chan. Don't worry about it." The taller one smiled as his friend opened the door to show him out.

"Aiba-chan," Sho started again as Aiba turned his head, to find Sho's mouth waiting for him. A bit stunned at the sudden change of heart, it took him all of two seconds to return the surprise kiss. The feel of Sho's lips was different from Ohno's. Not that he wanted to compare, but this kiss from Sho was not all that chaste. Just before closing his eyes he saw the single stray tear roll over the rapper's cheek and in response his fingertips found and cupped his cheek, deepening the kiss as he wiped the tear away. There was a heat there, that wasn't in the other kiss. Sho pushed him against the wall beside the door, which was still slightly ajar as Sho held on to the handle. Those lips were luscious and sinful. They were hungry in possessing his, making a jumble of the innocent compassion it should bring. And how was this kiss supposed to be full of support again? It was beyond Aiba as Sho's tongue circled around in his mouth, sucking temptingly on his lower lip while trying to get Aiba's tongue between his teeth and tease it relentlessly. Sho still tasted like the coffee they had earlier. It heightened his senses and logical thinking went out the window as he pulled his friend closer to him.

There should be a rule about touching, right? Was this still friendly and supportive?  
Sho, who started the kiss, was also the one who broke it; by pressing soft kisses on Aiba's lips and blocking access to his mouth. Aiba stared into darkened eyes, unable to come up with something funny or clever to say to lessen the weird unexplainable tension he was feeling. But then Sho opened the door and Aiba stepped out as if on automatic pilot.  
"See you tomorrow, Masaki," the rapper said with a sly smile, to which Aiba nodded. After a nod of his own Sho closed the door, leaving Arashi's miracle boy by himself, feeling kind of shell-shocked as he touched his lips in sheer confusion and wonder.


End file.
